In many situations in the workplace, I am one of few females. I find that many men do not respect that a woman is an equally skilled and capable employee. I am every bit as capable as my male counterparts, lifting just as much as they do, and doing as much work at the same level of quality. I do face micro aggressions and discrimination, patronizing comments about strength and inappropriate comments. However, most knowledgeable men respect me. How do I deal with these situations?
Hi Joanne,
Firstly, I want to say that I’m sorry to hear you’re dealing with that, and congratulations on identifying it and posting your question here!
I offered some reflections below:
How do you want to deal with it? What do you think would be supportive to you?
Do you have to work with men who mistreat you? How do you respond to them when they treat you this way? Do you feel safe enough to call it out when it happens?
I hope you find a protocol that supports you. I would say, for myself, I don’t tolerate anyone treating me that way. I use that behaviour as a filter (a red flag), a way of judging someone’s character, and I use my discernment to decide if I feel safe enough to say something or if I need to walk away and protect myself. I trust that if I walk away, there will be other people who will want to collaborate, who will value and respect me. I feel it’s important to be able to express myself, especially when it comes to something as intimate and vulnerable as creativity!
If I feel like I’m being mistreated, it is hard to be silent because it affects how I’m able to show-up and be in my self expression.
Well, let me use an example that happened quite a few times as a stagehand and throughout my lifetime. In the stagehand business, there is frequently a lot of heavy lifting and pushing heavy objects. In most cases, I am completely capable and comparable to the men on the team. The truth, men aren’t any stronger than women if they don’t work out and build muscle, yet women are still thought to be “The weaker sex.”. Yesterday, I worked the Post Malone concert and felt good. But on one occasion, a stage manager specifically requested “Men only” to lift a heavy object. In most cases, a heavy object is a two or more person job and no one should be lifting it themselves! Instead of getting upset, I ignored the comment and jumped right into the task to show them I was capable. This went unsaid. It is illegal to do that. It’s discriminatory. While I don’t want to do anything unsafe, I would like to be given a chance without prejudice.
Hi Joanne
I run SHE-Q Audio in Canada.
It might be worth thinking about whether the leadership/supervisor in this gig has an open enough mind and a good enough relationship with you to be able to hear what you are saying if you bring them your concerns. If you think there’s a chance they might hear what you’re saying and respond accordingly, then I would try to have that conversation privately and focus on explaining how it makes you feel and its impact on you. A lot of the time people think they’re being funny or trying to keep you from work they don’t think you’re capable of doing - so they’re doing it without malice, but rather out of ignorance, even though its impact is detrimental to you. I always think that the first option is to try to work with people in good faith - once people know better they tend to do better, and in the long run that’s a better outcome for not just you but every woman who could be potentially in that situation going forward.
If however, you don’t think they are going to be able to hear you, or if you try and they ignore you or retaliate, then I would say it’s time to move on, because you’ve stated your position and if it’s still being ignored then that is a conscious choice by them and you should assess those choices accordingly.
Happy to talk offline if you wish, and also I encourage you to find your local Soundgirls chapter if you have not already connected with them. They specialize in the live community and there is a conference in December.
Thanks! I know it’s sensitive subject, but worth addressing. It’s true, most don’t mean it out of malice, but when supervisors or leads start delegating things to men because they think women can’t handle it or paying them more, I would take that very seriously. I am a member of Soundgirls and do address these issues privately most of the time and it’s usually handled quickly. Thanks for your insight!